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Breasts

The setting is in a teachers staffroom

Teacher 1 is sat down being consoled by Teacher 2

Teacher 1: I just can't do it, I can't go out there without Angela and Pam (Sobs into his hands)

Teacher 2: You can! You can do this

Teacher 1: But they're my guidance! They lead me the way!

Teacher 2: What's so special about them anyway? Why not just get say...a pet dog like everyone else?

Teacher 1: Dogs are noisy and smelly. Plus they need training. These beauties were trained from birth. Oh how I miss them. Where could they have gone?

Teacher 2: It's your fault for leaving them here - how could you forget to take them home with you?

Teacher 1: I don't know! (Sobs)

Suddenly there is a knock on the door

Teacher 2: (Shouts) come in!

The door opens

It is the school caretaker

The caretaker is holding a pair of false breasts

Caretaker: I believe these belong to one of you

Teacher 1 stands up in excitment and rushes to the doorway

Teacher 1: Angela! Pam! You found them!

Teacher 2: (Sighs) thank you...he can't teach without them.

Caretaker: I found some student wandering around the hall with them attached to his head

Teacher 1: Tell me about it...the little brat's made them lose their shape! Oh well...I guess I can bed them in again...

Teacher 1 removes his shirt and puts on the false breasts

Pause

Teacher 1: It feels a bit...

Teacher 2: A bit what?

Teacher 1: Runny...wet...like there is some kind of liquid inside them...

Caretaker: Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that part? Some students had vomited and urinated inside the breasts, Sir.

Teacher 2 sniggers

Teacher 1: Why those little bastards (shakes his fist in a rage)

Teacher 1 storms out the staffroom and into the corridor outside with just his trousers and false breasts on

Cut to corridor

Teacher 1: (Shouts) Who did it?! Which one of you pesky little rodents vomited and pissed inside my breasts?!

Student: We took a shit in them too

Teacher 1 looks at the palm of hands. His hands have brown stains on them

Teacher 1 let's out an angry snarl

End of Sketch
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Posted June 24, 2010