The Estate Agent
Setting is inside a house
An Estate Agent is showing a husband and wife around the home
The estate agent is rather camp
Estate Agent: Okay, if you wouldn’t mind taking your shoes off before you go upstairs, don’t want you getting shit or anything like that on the carpet.
The husband and wife take off their shoes.
Estate Agent: Okay? Are we ready? I shall lead the way.
The estate agent leads the husband and wife up the stairs
The estate agent opens the door at the top
A man and woman are having sex on a bed
Estate Agent: Here we have the bedroom.
The husband and wife look shocked
Husband: What? This is appalling!
Estate Agent: What is dear?
Husband: Well, they’re having sex!
Estate Agent: Yes…I know. Isn’t it sweet?
The wife turns away in disgust
Estate Agent: Would you care to try it out?
Husband: Most certainly not!
Estate Agent: Yes but, you could get a nice feel for the bed…and the room, perhaps? I could record it, I’ve got my camera right here look
Estate Agent takes out his mobile phone
The camera on the phone is switched on
Estate Agent: (Holds phone camera up to the man and woman having sex) Look at that picture, so clear…
Wife: Can we PLEASE just go into the next room now?
Estate Agent: Okay. (Shouts to the man and woman having sex) Thanks Neil, thanks Barbara! (Closes the door)
The Estate Agent opens the next room
A lovely blue and white bathroom comes into view
Wife: Oh this is lovely
Husband: (Peers into the bath tub) what is that?
Estate Agent: Ooooooh, damn Rover! What a bad doggy he is! Naughty pooch!
Wife: Dog!?
Estate Agent: Yes, I bathed him in the tub for a bit before you came along, he needed a wash. He’s left you a little present look
Husband: The dog has shit in the bath tub. This is an outrage!
Estate Agent: Now wait just a minute, there’s one more room to show you.
Estate Agent opens the next door.
The room is dark
Husband: Oh my god, it stinks in here!
Wife: I think I’m going to be sick!
Estate Agent: Hang on, let me just find the light switch
The lights flick on
Estate Agent: Here we are
The room is full of vomit
The husband and wife are both violently sick
Estate Agent: Yes, that’s right! You’ve both got the right idea! This is the vomit room! I think you’re both going to suit this house just fine!
Husband: (Glares at the estate agent) I’ll have you for this! (Vomits)
Estate Agent: Oooh, I can’t wait! I’ll be waiting for you in the bedroom then! Tell me, do you like PVC?
The husband punches the estate agent
Estate Agent: OOOO! I like them rough too!
End of sketch
